He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
