Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
babies were throwing up all over the place
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
