I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
