can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
