The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
