Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
