ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
