please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
soo... how was my night?
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