It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
