3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
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