hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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