i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
