How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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