My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize