Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Randomize
