oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
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