I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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