so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
