hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
