dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
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