Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
