Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
