I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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