So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
