OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
