im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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