Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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