Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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