It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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