Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
i came on her dog
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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