peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
