I hate your face
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
