I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
