I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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