i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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