i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Randomize
