and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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