I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
