i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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