I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
