I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
