Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
The air taste purple.
Randomize