I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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