the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Randomize
