Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Randomize
