i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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