if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
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