I like my sex mixed with concussions.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
