We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
