Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
