I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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