i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
