smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
