you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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