you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
You pole danced in your parka.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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