If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
