so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
