Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize