whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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