We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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