dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
