I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
