I accidentally burped into my bong.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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