my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize