Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
