Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Randomize
