Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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