He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
