Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
