i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
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