he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
